Social Emotional Learning (SEL) and our relationship with dogs
Social-emotional learning (SEL) is the process of developing self-awareness, emotional regulation, social skills, and decision-making abilities.
We often talk about social emotional learning in youth and even adults but SEL can also be applied to dogs, and in my professional opinion, it should be our first priority in living with them—before training or any other expectations for our dogs. In short, it involves understanding our dogs better, improving communication and our relationship, recognizing the emotions behind their behaviors, and building a strong bond based on trust, predictability, and their need to feel safe.
Social-Emotional Learning in Dogs
Science has shown that dogs process emotions much like humans do and experience emotional states such as fear, anxiety, stress, and even symptoms consistent with PTSD.
In our human world—a world very different from theirs—dogs often struggle with emotional regulation due to factors like leash confinement, lack of choice, and unpredictable environments.
Additionally, dogs must learn to respond to social cues and successfully navigate relationships with humans, other pets in the home and often the outside world with humans. This can include strangers, groomers, veterinarians as well as dogs including neighbor dogs, dogs on walks and even dogs via daycare or other relationships we place them in.
Here are some parallels between human SEL and how we can support our dogs at home:
1. Understanding Body Language & Emotional States – Understanding a dog’s unique body language and responding to their cues is essential for building a strong relationship. Just because a dog isn’t barking, growling, or lunging doesn’t mean they are comfortable in a situation. We must recognize their subtle signs of communication, acknowledge their stressors that might create fear, anxiety, arousal/excitement, etc., and help manage their environment to reduce these exposures to support their emotional well-being.
2. Managing the Environment – It is our responsibility to keep dogs out of stressful situations. Since dogs have little control over their environment, it’s crucial to set them up for success and safety. The first goal should be to help them feel safe, happy, and calm at home before exposing them to external stressors like barking neighborhood dogs, busy pet stores, or even touch and petting from strangers. We should also structure our household to prevent conflicts between dogs over meals, toys, and other high-value resources, as well as manage behaviors like window barking, fence running and other unhealthy states of mind to reduce daily stress load.
3. Realistic Expectations – Expecting every dog to love or tolerate everyone they meet is as unrealistic as expecting every stranger at the grocery store to hug us. Just because a dog “tolerates” it, doesn’t mean he likes it. This goes for humans as well as relationships with dogs.
4. Choice – Dogs have very few choices in life. We control what they eat, when they go outside or use the bathroom, when and even if they get to leave their property and even who they interact with. Providing them with small choices can improve their well-being—for example, letting them sniff on walks, choose the route, pick a toy, or have some variety in their meals.
5. Routine, Predictability & Safety – Dogs thrive on predictability and routine. Their brains, like ours, are wired to seek patterns to anticipate what happens next. Fearful dogs or dogs that might have experienced trauma often see the world as an unpredictable and scary place. The more predictable routines we establish, the less stressed they will be. A dog that understands daily patterns will be less anxious and hypervigilant.
6. Relationship Skills – Building trust and a strong relationship takes time in any species. Training, play, touch, social time and meeting your dog’s needs all contribute to a secure and positive bond.
7. Meeting Needs – Understanding and fulfilling your dog’s needs—especially those related to their breed and natural instincts—is the foundation of a happy and well-adjusted dog. Before expecting a dog to adapt to our human world, learn training cues and more, we must acknowledge and respect their natural behaviors and meet their needs.
8. Patience – The human world can be overwhelming for dogs. They naturally dig, bark, and even walk faster than we do. They also communicate through body language rather than words. It can take hundreds of repetitions for a dog to learn cues like “come” or “wait.” Since they have little control over their lives, they should be taught with patience, kindness, and humane, science-based methods. Remember, we even spend over a decade in school or more to learn how to function in society—so be a patient teacher for your dog learning to navigate a very different world!
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A Special Note on Puppies and Newly Adopted Dogs
For the first 6-12 months, puppies do not have the cognitive ability and maturity to fully process and act on their experiences—they are simply taking in their world and recording those life experiences! In adulthood, they then begin to act on these recordings. This is similar to starting a new job or a new relationship: you first learn the new rules, relationships, and routines before fully settling in—just like a dog adjusting to their new life. This can even apply to a recently adopted dog adjusting to a new environment, new relationships and new rules too. So, make sure you that social emotional learning and your relationship are your first priorities.